What do I do if my sons are gay (with each other)?

So I put Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the bathtub the other night, and I leave them in there to play around and wash up while I go to make dinner. 

After about five minutes, I hear this hysterical, maniacal, Jack Nicholson-like, out-of-control laughter and I immediately think to myself: I could sit here in the quietude of making Mac N Cheese for the 1,285 consecutive night, or I can do what a responsible parent should do and go check on my kids.

So I put down the spoon with which I'm stirring the Mac N Cheese in complete and utter peace and saunter back to the bathroom, where I know World War III is about to unfold, minus the nuclear weapons.

Little did I know what I was about to stumble into: Porn.

OK, not porn so much in the sense of the word, but what I witnessed could qualify: Thing 2 was standing up with his rump thrust out behind him, and Thing 1 had his nose stuffed into his crack and was sort of blowing air into his ass.

Now, my first reaction was to vomit.

But after swallowing my regurgitation and attempting to digest, as it were, what I just saw, my next reaction was to explode into a fit of rage. That is until you attempt to verbalize what you just saw: "What the hell are you doing sticking your face into your brother's ...." 

And before you say "ass" you realize that this is so outside the realm of what I'm used to that I really can't even process what I just saw.

I mean, Are my sons gay? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) But seriously, what if one of your two sons were gay? I'd like to think I could handle it. Love him for what and who he is rather than judging a book by its silk cover. I'd like to think I was open-minded and accepting and the whole thing.

But doesn't that completely change if both your sons are gay? I mean, if 10 percent of the population is gay what are the odds that two of your sons are both gay? The permutations are astronomical. I'd have to get on Oprah or something. 

Beyond that, what if both sons were gay together? 

That's crossing every line of decorum known to man, isn't it? Isn't that both incest and bestiality at the same time? 

Maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe two kids playing together in the bath tub is completely normal. But isn't that probably what John Wilkes Booth's mom said the day before he shot Lincoln? "Oh, he's a good boy exploring his boundaries. He'll be OK."

Guess what: He was NOT OK. He killed the president. You should have seen the signs early on.

That's the hard part about being a Dad; what is real and what is a phase? What should you dissuade your children from and what should you ignore on the basis that this too shall pass? If you let too much pass, are you a negligent parent? I don't know.

What I do know is that I don't want Thing 1's nose up Thing 2's ass, which I made abundantly clear. It's not that I don't want them to be gay. It's that I don't want them to be gay with each other. 

I think that's normal. Right?